HELP! MY SPOUSE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR FINANCES.
What do I do?
By: Kathryn Barnett, Financial Advisor
Below is a scenario that I have encountered that I think is familiar to all of us.
I don’t know what to do. I recently received a grim prognosis, and I am finding myself doing the same thing my dad did at the end of his life – tidying up for the ones I’m leaving behind. My problem is that my spouse wants nothing to do with our finances.
I have always handled everything, and now, I am trying to introduce her to my advisors, show her how to access our accounts, take her to talk to our estate attorney, and she is still not interested. I think part of this is obviously due to shock and denial at what is happening, but I am also worried that she honestly will not ever want to handle all of this.
What should I do? I have always independently managed our investments, and I’m worried about someone taking advantage of her after I am gone if she doesn’t learn more about it now.
Whew! These conversations are always emotional. Usually, the spouse who is coming to me and expressing these concerns is worried about the ones they are leaving behind, while coming to terms with the limits of their own mortality and trying to beat the ticking clock. With that being said, frequently I find myself in the position of not only empathizing but bluntly stating the obvious – Your spouse is not going to take over the finances when you pass. You are absolutely right to be concerned.
I have seen this happen too many times before both professionally and within my own family. People like to assume that the ones left behind will rise to the occasion, and they will in so many ways. But don’t assume someone who has never managed finances in their life will be able to learn how to do so quickly in the aftermath of losing someone they love. Moreover, listen to what your loved one is telling you and make a plan for your finances to be handled by someone you trust in conjunction with your loved one.
How does this work?
Depending on how your estate is structured, there are some steps to consider –
The easiest and simplest first step is finding a financial advisor who you and, more importantly, your spouse like, trust, and feel comfortable talking to. The financial advisor could then analyze your investments and make recommendations as to the next steps regarding those investments. If you do not know a financial advisor, ask your CPA or attorney for a recommendation.
Additionally, after finding a financial advisor, you will probably want to meet with your financial advisor, CPA, and attorney jointly or introduce the three and give permission for them to discuss your estate to ensure that a cohesive estate plan is being implemented.
Lastly, this process is about giving you peace, but it is also about making sure your loved ones are taken care of. So, make sure to check in with your spouse, son, daughter, whoever that person is that you want taken care of to ensure they feel comfortable with the team you are assembling.
What if my spouse comes around and decides they do want to handle our finances personally?
Make sure you are working with a financial advisor, CPA, and attorney who understand your wishes and that if your spouse decides they would like to take the reins that they will have the power to do so.
Just because you work with a financial advisor does not mean that the investments are not still yours; therefore, meaning you, as owner of the account, have ultimate control.
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